Cannot be UNSEEN: Seriously face melting

Just 30 seconds and you would have officially destroyed your life.

Disclaimer: I will not be responsible for any loss of eyesight/eyeballs. You have been warned...

You may start puking now...

I have made my choice!

I will vote for 陈先生!!!!

哪个陈先生!?!?!?!?!?!?

那个陈先生咯! So easy. No skills involved at all!

Cannot be UNSEEN: K-POP Spoof.

Its been quite sometime since I posted. Well I actually haven't posted since I returned from Japan. I love Japan. So today, here's something from Japan that when seen, cannot be unseen!

IT CANNOT BE UNSEEN!

JAPANICATION!!!

Concert ticket. Check.

JRail Pass. Check.

Plane tickets... Collecting at the counter in 19 hours time.

Going off to Japanify myself. Hopefully I won't become mutated in the process but I won't mind getting some fantastic power like telekinesis or time and space control. Be back in 2 weeks time. JAPANICATION!!!

The Bizarre Things People Do

Its not until you get a bicycle and find a place to park and chain it that you find some of the weird things people chain up...

Every child's dream car. Thefts would normally come from teenagers to adults. I can't think of a toddler who would try and steal this car. In fact I cannot imagine anyone in my area who would want to steal it. Unless there's a jealous parent somewhere who wants to get rid of this car because it makes his child's smaller more broken car look bad. It doesn't make sense to lock this up. What's more it is wasting the space I could park my bicycle in! But it cannot be compared to this:

If this was meant as a joke by some jovial parent then I think its quite hilarious. You chain your bicycle up because you do not want someone to steal it and people steal it because they can use it. However, I cannot put a finger to why someone would chain a pram. Is there some adult out there who rides prams around the neighbourhood? Perhaps the same jealous parent who might want to steal the car would also consider stealing the Awesom-O 2000 pram because it is better than his/her Brav-O 1000 pram.

I respect the owner's freedom to chain up anything he/she wants. You can even chain your misbehaving child there (though it would be considered child abuse and I would call the cops) but I just find it bizarre that people would keep such things under lock and key. In fact such objects would normally be kept at home. More importantly it is taking up space which I would have wanted to use for parking my bicycle!

How to Survive an Apocalypse: Apocalyptic Scenarios

There are various scenarios for Apocalypse ranging from sudden internal combustion to alien invasions. So we will now delve into the the possible scenarios and ways you can increase your survival chances.

Internal Combustion Apocalypse:

No chance of survival. If it happens, everyone dies and the scenarios shown in Life After People plays out.

Environmental Doomsday:

If you were napping during Geography lessons, you might be in for some trouble. It would be good if you can join up with some handsome American Meteorologist. At least you will understand the situation and the possible dangers you would be facing, things like if the ice caps melt in one day, you should not be in Singapore and if you see the water line receding suddenly in beaches, you should drive as far inland as possible. Oh and not to show off or anything but melting polar ice caps causes seal levels to rise not solely because of more water in the oceans. Its like your cup of iced milo, the milo would not overflow because the ice melts. The sea level rises because of more liquid water being available for expansion when heated by the sun or any other heat sources.

Basically, environmental disasters requires knowledge on what will happen next and a ton of luck to survive the crazy things nature will throw at you. Of course avoid small islands and the source of the destruction for better survival chances.

The Meteorite from Space:

Most of the time, a crew will be sent to space to save the world from certain doom. If you aren't part of the category of guaranteed survivors mentioned in the previous post, don't think about surviving if you volunteer to be a hero. On the other hand, staying on Earth and hoping all goes well gives you a better chance of survival because after much drama, the crew will still save the day.

Furthermore, you could use the spare time to hook up with people on the pretext that the world is ending. Of course when the world doesn't end then things might get awkward but then that's another problem for another time.

However if things did not go as planned and the meteor does hit earth, then refer to Environmental Doomsday for help.

Bible-esque Doomsday:

According to the Book of Revelation in the New Testament of the Bible, the lamb of God (supposedly Jesus Christ), will break the seven seals of the scroll, the Angels will sound 7 trumpets etc... Grandpa Wiki has a neat description of what will happen. Some claim that the chapter was written figuratively however lets take everything literally.

First, I would suggest planting bear traps on the fields. This would be in preparation for the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse when the first 4 of the 7 seals are removed. If the horses can't run, then you would be able to outrun them. Then again the 'horses' might refer to Ferraris. In that case, speed spikes would work well. Call in the traffic police as well. The summon aunties would do well to give out summons if these 'Horsemen' try anything funny.

Then while all that is happening, stock up on immense amounts of insecticide in an underground bunker. Perhaps creating DDT (the banned insecticide) would be good. Its the end of days anyways. Why would insecticide be important? More on that later. The bunker would help you tide through the opening of the remaining seals and the sounding of the first few trumpets.

Once things settle down, the fifth trumpet should sound. That's when your DDT would come in handy because for 5 months you will be fighting locusts. However if the locusts you meet look like this:

Refer to a future section for help.

Next you would have to be aware of taking sides with anyone since thee would be a false prophet and beasts of the sea and land. So to avoid getting dumped into hell fire, it would be best to lead a more hermitic life wandering from shelter to shelter.

If you're still alive up till now, well done! As much as it would seem like a good time to start taking over the world, it would not be a good idea for a mere mortal to embark on such a daring quest because you will be up against powerful beings. Beings like Satan and company. Besides, you might end up becoming the false prophet mentioned and burn in hell instead. However if you happen to find the Sword of a Thousand Truths, then there might be a chance for you to rule the world. At least until you get thrown into hell...

How to Survive an Apocalypse: General Tips

First of you will need a survival pack. Specifics can be found here. If you're lazy to get the full set, like me, I'd say have a torchlight, swiss army knife, lighter and a first aid kit. Thats the minimum you should have.

Then, depending on the situation, it would be wise to form a team. Call your friends up. Working with people you are familiar with would be great. Try to form a well-rounded team based on the different classes and of course, stay away from the snitches and leechers.

Once you have a team, it would be good to have a base of operations. A good defensible base with multiple escape routes would be good. Fortify and stay safe.

If you are Asian, like me, you will 99% of the time become a jabroni (so you will die somehow, somewhere) unless you are Japanese. The only people who have the highest chance of survival are Caucasians. Besides that...

You have to be a freaking handsome/beautiful person. The next best candidates for survival are these category of people. The charming looks are a natural repellent of death. If you aren't well-endowed, just take everyday as it comes. Each day will be a blessing. Of course being good looking also means your partner must be good looking.

Depending on how merciless or practical you are, it would be wise not to have your spouse in your team. Yes. NO SPOUSE IN YOUR TEAM. Why? Unless your spouse is the ultimate survivor, love can only screw your chances of surviving. The story is the same all the time. A plan is executed and somehow, somewhere the plan goes awry. Then a spouse gets into 1) a life threatening situation or 2) a fatal accident. Since love prevails, the other love bird would in the case of 1) jump to the rescue and 2) become depressed and demoralized which in turn leads to carelessness and eventually death. In some cases, other jabronis are dragged to hell as well. So if you really want to survive, either get a kick ass spouse or just put a bullet in your spouse's head and save yourself from future misery. If love prevails, then don't say I didn't warn you. Of course if you and your spouse fall under the category of good looking people, then you stand a fantastic chance of survival.

So that about covers most of the general tips for survival. In the next post, we will look at survival tips in specific situations.